Can Your Marriage Survive Your Perimenopause Rage?

Can Your Marriage Survive Your Perimenopause Rage?

Yesterday was one of those days when the world seemed to conspire against me. Every little thing was like a spark to a keg of dynamite. The incessant scratching of our dog at the door, the sight of my son’s abandoned dishes—again, and even the simple question from my husband about lunch felt like nails on a chalkboard. This wasn’t just irritation or a bad mood; it was a torrent of raw, uncontrolled fury. And the only explanation I could find? The hormonal whirlwind of perimenopause.

Perimenopause rage is not just a fleeting irritation; it’s a profound emotional state that can shake the very foundations of our closest relationships. It’s a stark reminder of the powerful tides of change our bodies are undergoing. And though my family, bless them, is understanding and aware of my journey through perimenopause, it’s a strain on all of us.

This intense emotional rollercoaster isn’t unique to me. Many women riding the waves of perimenopause find themselves grappling with sudden anger, irritability, and even prolonged aggression. These unexpected outbursts leave them and their loved ones reeling, wondering, “Will my marriage survive perimenopause rage?”

Recognizing that perimenopause rage doesn’t reflect your feelings towards your partner, but can be a common symptom of this stage, can help prevent these emotional surges from impacting your marriage

Understanding How Perimenopause Impacts Your Mood

Perimenopause is a time of significant hormonal change. Your moods during perimenopause are intricately linked to the hormonal shifts within your body. As estrogen ebbs and flows unpredictably, so too do your emotions. This can lead to a multitude of symptoms, with perimenopausal rage being a particularly distressing one for people’s personal lives.

The decline in estrogen also causes many physical changes like irregular periods, hot flashes and night sweats, which are common but can become quite disruptive to your daily life and further impact our emotional well being.

What is Perimenopausal Rage?

Perimenopausal rage is more than just heightened irritability; it’s an intense, often overwhelming, uncontrollable surge of anger. It’s important to recognize that this is a symptom of the hormonal changes occurring in your body during perimenopause. This recognition is key to finding effective ways to manage it and prevent it from straining your most cherished relationships.

Perimenopause and Its Ripple Effect on Relationships

Perimenopause can bring about significant changes that affect not just your body, but your relationship as well. These symptoms can create stress and misunderstanding between partners.

Mood Swings

You may not just be overcome by rage. In perimenopause your moods can flip from rage, to sadness, to joy and back to tears within the same hour. Often your emotions fluctuate rapidly, without warning. Of course, these instant mood swings and irritability can strain communication and patience in a relationship, leading to conflicts that could be bewildering to both you and your partner.

Struggles with Mental Health

Perimenopause can exacerbate stress and anxiety, layering mental health struggles on top of physical changes. The resulting emotional burden can be heavy, and it’s essential to recognize these struggles and discuss them openly with your loved one.

Low Libido

Your sex drive may take a nose dive during perimenopause, which could lead to a decrease in intimacy. Understanding that low libido is a common symptom can help you and your partner find new ways to maintain your connection.

Vaginal Dryness

Vaginal dryness can also impact your intimacy. It’s not just uncomfortable but can also make sexual activity painfulOpen communication between partners is important for dealing with this symptom. Your partner may not understand this is a thing. The good news is that there are many over-the-counter solutions for vaginal dryness. 

Brain Fog and Fatigue

Perimenopause can lead to increased fatigue and periods of brain fog, making it hard to articulate your thoughts, stay engaged in conversations, or even to find simple words. Try not to get frustrated. Brain fog tends to pass after women reach menopause. But make sure you tell your partner what’s going on. 

Night Sweats

Night sweats may disturb both your and your partner’s sleep, sometimes leading to separate beds for a while. Remember, this is a temporary phase, and finding comfort should not diminish the intimacy and closeness you share.


Lack of sleep affects your mood and energy levels the next day, which can reduce your patience and empathy towards your partner. Finding strategies to combat sleeplessness, like maintaining a regular sleep schedule, can be vital.

Migraines and Headaches

Not tonight, babe. I’ve got a headache. If you suffer from migraines and headaches there’s definitely something to this cliche. Migraines can affect your ability to participate in regular activities and can add frustration to your relationship. Make sure to work with your healthcare provider to find ways to manage these symptoms.

The Link Between Menopause and Divorce

Recent studies in the UK have confirmed a long-held suspicion: menopause can significantly strain marriages and relationships, often leading to separation or divorce.

The research reveals that among the women surveyed, a staggering 73% attribute the dissolution of their marriages to the challenges brought on by menopause. Furthermore, 67% of these women reported an alarming increase in domestic disputes and abuse during this time.

What’s particularly disheartening is that most of the women didn’t recognize they were going through perimenopause. And those that did, didn’t realize how profoundly these changes were influencing the demise of their relationships.

Support and Resources

Dealing with perimenopause and its impact on your marriage can be challenging, but there are effective treatments and supports available to help you through this time. Access to the right resources can significantly alleviate symptoms of rage and improve your mental health and relationship.

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)

Hormone Replacement Therapy serves as a beacon in balancing the hormonal tides that often lead to mood swings and irritability. By replenishing key hormones such as estrogen and progesterone, HRT can be instrumental in stabilizing your mood and easing various symptoms of menopause. It’s important to note that HRT isn’t for everyone and you should discuss the risks and benefits of HRT with you doctor. 


Antidepressants can offer relief for perimenopausal symptoms, potentially reducing episodes of rage. Medications like SSRIs or SNRIs are often prescribed to address the mood changes associated with hormonal changes. It’s crucial to discuss options with your healthcare provider as they can customize treatment to your needs.

Stress Reducing Practices like yoga, meditation, and breath work

Integrating stress reducing practices like yoga, meditation, and breath work into your daily routine can work wonders to keep your perimenopause rage at bay. These methods can lower stress hormone levels and enhance your overall sense of well-being. Regular practice may improve your mental health, helping to manage perimenopause-related rage and stress.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is an effective talk therapy that can help you deal with emotional upheaval. Working with a trained therapist, CBT techniques teach you how to reframe negative thinking patterns and develop coping strategies, beneficial for navigating changes in your relationship during perimenopause.

Tips for Your Partner

When your partner is going through perimenopause, understanding and support are crucial. The hormonal changes can lead to heightened emotions and stress, affecting both mental health and the relationship. Helping your partner through this time requires patience, education, and open communication.

Perimenopause 101

Start by learning what perimenopause entails. Recognizing the physical and emotional health changes can deepen your empathy and patience. Women’s health during this time is complex, with symptoms that can be confusing to both of you.

Ask Questions

Encourage open dialogue by asking how you can help.  But let’s be really clear, she may not always know the answers. And sometimes she just really wants to vent.

Don’t Take it Personally

I have this conversation regularly with my husband, “It’s me. Not you. I’m not angry with you. I just can’t control this emotional flare up!” It’s important not to take her expressions of rage personally. Remember, the rage is often a symptom of the hormonal changes—and not a reflection of your relationship. Offer support, not criticism.


Maintain open, non-judgmental communication. Frequent check-ins can help both partners feel heard and supported, fostering a strong relationship during challenging times. Practice active listening and be open to discussing both of your needs.

Be Present

Focus on being present in the moment. It may help to establish routines or activities that you can enjoy together, which can nurture your connection and provide relief from stress related to mental health and menopause symptoms.

Please Share Your Menopause Journey With Us!

At This Is Perimenopause, we’d love to hear what it’s like to live with perimenopause or to support your partner through this transition. Have you found any great resources? Wink wink, nudge nudge.  What information are you missing? What could we be doing better to support you and your partner? Please share! We’d love to hear your thoughts.