Here’s an excerpt from the first post I read by Dr. Justine Corry in our Instagram feed:
“A young woman stepped up the the counter. She wasn’t in anyone’s way. She wasn’t interrupting.
And yet – before she even placed her order, the first words out of her mouth?
‘Oh, sorry…’
She wasn’t apologizing for anything. She was shrinking herself.”
These words stopped me in my tracks.
I say ‘sorry’ all the time, thinking I’m just being polite. The reality is I’ve been using it as a social buffer to soften my presence.
And I knew immediately that I had to start working to change this pattern. Because in the words of Dr. Corry: “every time you apologize for taking up space you’re sending yourself a powerful message: “You first. Me second.”
Dr. Corry specializes in helping women change the patterns that once helped us to survive, but are now keeping us small.
If you’re feeling drained, unseen, and like you’re carrying the weight of every relationship, it’s not just the hormones. We all develop patterns, or schemas, early in life to adapt to our environments. And as we get older, they start to work against us.
Do any of these examples from Dr. Corry sound familiar?
Over-functioning: you’re the one who ‘just handles everything’.
Self-silencing: you swallow your needs to ‘keep the peace’.
Approval-seeking: you replay conversations in your head. You say yes when you want to say no.
Self-deprecating Humour: making jokes at your own expense, often without noticing you’re doing it and usually to soften your presence.
Hyper-independence: you don’t ask for help – even when you’re drowning.
Emotional Caretaking: you anticipate needs. You absorb their moods. Your try to keep everyone happy.
Over-apologizing: you apologize for taking up space, for asking a question, for needing something.
It’s no wonder we’re exhausted, resentful, feeling invisible, and experiencing unprecedented levels of anxiety and depression.
Want to learn about the patterns that keep us small and how to break them? Keep reading.
Become Self-led
Dr. Corry says self-trust and self-respect are the best antidepressants. Find out why, and how to achieve a life where you are showing up for yourself by trading in the anxiety and hypervigilance for clarity.
Stop Apologizing
This is the post that stopped me in my tracks. Where I realized that I’m over-apologizing all the time. And that with every ‘sorry’ I’m reinforcing the belief that I’m an inconvenience and need to apologize for taking up space.
Are You A Carrie?
You know that delicious feeling of being magnetized to someone? It’s often your nervous system tuned to equate emotional distance and unpredictability with love. Dr. Corry can help you unpack this pattern too.
What Is Schema Therapy?
Want to better understand this method to better understand yourself? Check out this resource recommended by Dr. Corry. It’s powerful stuff.
We needed to start taking responsibility.
Perimenopause can be brutal. We know first hand.
Finding relief has meant building an extensive toolkit. Things like healing our relationship with food, adding weight lifting to our cardio activities, and starting MHT.
And perhaps most importantly, we needed to realize how much agency we have over who we are and how we show up in the world.
We needed to start taking responsibility.
Because we didn’t ‘just lose ourselves’. We’ve been slowly and unwittingly giving her away for decades. And now we’re learning to break those patterns, and show up authentically – without apology.
We hope you’ll join us.
xoxo,
Mikelle & Michelle
