Trigger Warning: This newsletter contains information about Intimate Partner Violence.
“Shame dies when stories are told in safe space.” These are powerful words from our recent podcast conversation with therapist Stefanie Peachey.
When most of us think about Intimate Partner Violence, we picture physical abuse – the black eye and other visible signs of violence we see in PSAs. But Stefanie opened our eyes to what IPV really looks like and how abuse can hide in plain sight. We also discussed the subtle ways these behaviors slowly creep in, making them hard to spot:
- Your partner slowly isolates you from friends and family.
- Controlling the money and finances so you don’t need to worry about it.
- Questioning where you’ve been and concerned when you’re late even by just 10 minutes.
- Gaslighting you and making you question your own judgment.
- Control that masquerades as concern – “I just worry about you.”
As Steafanie tells us us, “it happens very secretively,” and women often feel like they can somehow control it by changing their own behavior.
Many people don’t understand why people stay in these relationships. The truth is that leaving is a very complicated and often dangerous decision.
Please hear this.
If you’re experiencing abuse, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. Full stop. And your only job is to keep yourself as safe as possible and reach out for help when you can.
If you’re seeing yourself or someone you care about in this newsletter, please know there’s help out there. Whether you’re ready to leave or just starting to question things, support exists. You deserve safety. You deserve respect. You deserve support.
Need help right now? Here are some resources:
- 911 – If you are in immediate danger or fear for your safety, please call 911
- stefanie@peacheyconselling.ca
- Peachey Counselling Intimate Partner Violence
- ShelterSafe
- DomesticShelters.org (USA)
- Canadian Family Violence Resources and Services By Area
- Resources (by province) for Women Experiencing Domestic Violence
Breaking the silence is step one. By talking about IPV, we hope that we can help others recognize abuse and find support. You’re not alone in this.
Take care of yourself,
xoxo
Mikelle & Michelle
