Long before each perimenopausal story begins, we’re socialized to suck up our discomfort and pain. Taught to put everyone else’s needs above our own. And fed a constant diet of beauty standards that scream, ‘you are not enough’.
And for those of us who now fall into the perimenopausal demographic – ages 35 to 55 – we were raised at a time when being vulnerable and showing ‘weakness’ were considered bad form and a liability. Don’t ever let ‘em see you sweat, cry, be sick, or need help.
Perimenopause is a time when hormonal changes collide with peak life stress. Many of us are sidelined by symptoms, and struggle to keep up with career opportunities, family and relationship demands, and life in general. When perimenopause hit us – like a MAC truck – we kept quiet and bore these challenges with shame and disconnection. And if we’re being brutally honest, a whole lot of dysfunction.
“Perimenopause hit us like a MAC truck.”
What saved us was talking to each other, and seeing our perimenopausal story reflected back. We realized that asking for help is a sign of strength. We started to understand that our needs not only matter but should be a priority. And that perfection is a destructive delusion. We also started letting go of our shame.
Now we’re sharing our stories with as many people as we can and encouraging others to do the same. Because we have a long way to go to move perimenopause out of the shadows and into the mainstream.
And we believe this ‘long way’ will be shortened through sharing our stories.
Here’s why:
1. The Power of Perspective
As Stefanie Peachey shared on our podcast, shame dies when stories are told. When you can speak your feelings, the truth has an opportunity to take hold. You can overcome the shame and blame of your circumstances by getting to the facts of your situation. The facts allow you to move toward understanding what is actually going on and finding solutions.
2. Connection
It’s easy to think no one will understand how you’re feeling or that you’re the only one. Fact is, everyone with ovaries will go through perimenopause provided they live long enough, and the majority of us will struggle. You are not alone. And when you speak your perimenopausal truth, you’ll have a rush of women saying, ‘I get it!’, ‘Yeeesssssss!’, ‘You too?!’
3. Mindset
Sharing your story gives you the opportunity to realize ‘it’s not just me, or ‘my fault’, and ‘I need and deserve help’. You can stop beating yourself up and focus that energy in more productive ways. You may even come to see this change as an opportunity. Like your wake up call to start paying attention to what you want and need, instead of living up to everyone else’s expectations. Start exploring who you are and how best to jump into what is, in our opinion, the start of the best time in your life.
4. Find Solutions
By talking about what you’re experiencing, you invite others to share their challenges and the solutions that have worked for them. You might learn about a great podcast, a must-read book, an amazing women’s clinic, a must-have product, or an excellent online menopause resource. You can also hear about a lot of non-helpful things. Be open, listen, and learn to evaluate information so that you can build your perimenopausal toolkit as effectively as possible.
5. Better Care
Talking about your symptoms and understanding how others are experiencing and managing similar symptoms can help you make sense of what’s going on with your body. It can also give you the confidence you need to speak with your doctor about what is happening and avoid being dismissed. How many women realized that their heart palpitations a) should be taken seriously and b) were perhaps due to perimenopause, after Oprah shared she thought she was dying because of heart palpitations that were in fact due to perimenopause? A lot.
6. We All Need To Become Advocates
Menopause is having a moment. But we’re probably still a couple of decades away from a world where anyone with ovaries can go to their doctor and expect a minimum standard of care for their menopausal transition. We believe that one of the best ways to expedite this timeline is if each of us becomes informed and self-advocates for better solutions and care. If we’re all asking, we become a lot harder to ignore.
7. It’s Not An End
By sharing our stories we’ve come to understand that menopause is not an end. It’s just the beginning of the best time in our lives. Join us, and share your perimenopausal story. For you, your peers, and the next generation.
Got a story to share? Send us an email, we’d love to hear from you.
Xo,
Mikelle
