Cutting back on alcohol during perimenopause can help to curb symptoms and side effects. Eliminating booze has also becoming more of a “thing” in recent years, as more and more individuals embrace “sober curious” a movement where people opt to drink less or not at all as part of their lifestyle.
For over two decades Michelle Hillier has captivated audiences as an educator, TEDx speaker, published author and personal coach. In addition, she is now a lifestyle design + recovery coach and the founder of Breath + Fire, offering transformative guidance that empowers personal growth and healing. Michelle is also sober, having taken her last drink on July 21, 2021.
“I never thought in a million years I would be a sober woman,” confesses Michelle. “There is so much stigma when it comes to language around alcohol and drug use. I never thought I had to stop drinking. But my perspective began to shift after I became a mother. I realized I drank more when I was pulled out of my authentic self, or when my identity was shifted. I began asking myself, “why pour that glass of wine?” What’s the need to take the edge off?” These are the bigger questions that I’d love to see women investigate at this age and at this stage of our lives.
Alcohol has historically, and continues to, hold an important role in social engagement and bonding for many. Social drinking or moderate alcohol consumption for many is pleasurable.
However, alcohol consumption – especially in excess – is linked to a number of negative outcomes: as a risk factor for diseases and health impacts, crime, road incidents, and, for some, alcohol dependence. According to Our World in Data, the average female in North America consumes 4.34L of pure alcohol per year. And while the percentage of individuals determined to have a alcohol disorder in this population is relatively low — below 2% — newly updated guidelines around alcohol consumption, which point to an ideal maximum of two drinks a week, have many taking a good hard look at their consumption patterns and habits.
Michelle’s awakening began during the pandemic. She acknowledges she was drinking too much during that time period. Surrendering to the idea of giving up alcohol, she entered a 30 day rehab program at a treatment centre — away from her family and the temptation alcohol. That experience led to an education on alcohol and addiction and a diagnosis that she indeed had a substance use disorder.
“It turns out that the easy part is making the decision to stop drinking,” says Michelle. “The hard part is figuring out the why and understanding why you were drinking in the first place.”
Sober curious isn’t always about resolving problem drinking. It is really about people wondering what their life would be like without alcohol, and what their relationship is with alcohol. That said, one must be honest with themselves if they are truly sober curious.
“I like to question those I coach. If they are taking the edge off, what’s the edge? Why not sit at the edge? But guess what? That’s hard. It takes work to go there and it sucks. Because those thoughts you are sitting in don’t encourage you to relax and unwind,” says Michelle. “But I will say if you are asking yourself these questions, if you have a nagging feeling about your drinking habits, that is the number one sign that you may indeed have a problem.
Michelle’s 90-day Awaken the Flame program for the sober curious focuses on anyone that is interested in making a change in their life and who feels stuck. Some clients are in recovery, and use the program for accountability. Others want to focus on wellness and their relationship with alcohol. Working with her client, Michelle builds a custom plan that continues over the 12-week timeframe, with clients tapping into their own feelings, journaling, and engaging in meditation and nature. When the cravings crop up, she provides one on one support where she and the client work through it together.
“Getting honest with yourself is hard. If you have someone to do it with you it is so much easier,” says Michelle. “Clients who have the support of a coach, a neighbor, a friend are much more successful.”
Says Michelle, “Getting sober was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. But it is also the best thing I’ve ever done. When I am not drinking I am more aware. I am having more meaningful conversations.” There are also countless other benefits that come from reduced or no alcohol consumption. Reduced inflammation in the body, better sleep, improved complexion, mental clarity and physical vitality. In a word: perimenopause and alcohol don’t mix.
Like anything that is hard, getting sober curious or giving up alcohol starts with baby steps. Advises Michelle, “I’d never recommend that one says to themselves, “I’m quitting drinking forever today.” That is far too much. Instead, say “I’m not drinking today.” Those days then add up to weeks and months. And before you know it, it’s been six months. It’s all about change. And that change starts one day at a time.”
Still curious? Check out Michelle’s website, or consider booking a free call to learn more about her coaching programs.
